our deal

i wish you would tell me

how you really feel

but you'll never tell me

cause that's not our deal

hurricane irene

after countless friends kept posting links about the hurricane on my facebook telling me to "stay away from new york", asking me "are you gonna own up the east coast or wuh" and saying "girl, you crazy"....i got to thinking....

and i guess i am kind of like a hurricane. or i mean my personality. i am kind of scary, violent, windy, and stormy.but the hurricane has an eye, a small area of calm and peace, cloud-free that is surrounded by a wall of crazy thunderstorms. i like to believe i have an eye too, that not many people realize or see.

hrmm i am totally connecting with this hurricane for sure.

couldnt have described me better

She had reluctantly accepted suffering as an inevitable component of deep passion, and was resigned to putting her feelings at risk. If you asked her what it was she was gambling her emotions on to win, she would not have been able to say.

--Vicky Cristina Barcelona

in need of healing

its been a hard time these past few months. even with india being an amazing blessing. but thank goodness for the Lord.

honestly, i feel like such a phony when i write entries about God and how good he is because i think it makes me seem like im all holy and whatnot. but im seriously not and i know im not. i struggle every single second of the day and i am so full of sin and im not anywhere near holy. i love the world so much still and the things it offers. i even long for the world sometimes and i choose the world over God all the time.

but despite my sin and shortcomings...God is so good and i want to share of his glorious love. He knew exactly how much i was hurting and he offered me peace, grace, and comfort. dang it God. thank you for answering my prayers, loving me, and knowing me.

LAMENTATIONS 3:20-26, 31-33

"My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning, great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."

"The Lord is good to those who wait for him TO THE SOUL WHO SEEKS HIM. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."

"For the Lord will not cast off forever, but though he cause grief, he will have compassion, according to the abundance of his steadfast love..."

--

i was seriously feeling so hopeless, vacant, and empty and God graciously spoke to me. i know there will be so many times that i forget the hope i have in him. i know that maybe even tomorrow i will feel sad or hopeless or angry or like everything is lost. but God is faithful and i know he will never fail to remind me.

<3