i truly truly believe

kpop is worse than crack.

jeremiah 17:9

"The heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately sick;
who can understand it?"

ravishing and devastating

So please please please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want
This time

when there's no passion

life is so dull.

IM SO FAT

i wish i hated eating

KO to the maximum

finals week.

the worst ever.

didnt sleep for two weeks.

got sick on monday with a cold.

sore ass throat the whole week.

coughing.

then wake up the day before my

huge final with pink eye in both eyes.

survived on the Lord's strength alone.

Praise God!!!

the tragic queen of carthage

my friend who is a classics major told me that this character reminded him of me. interesting...

but the queen - too long she suffered the pain of love,

hour by hour nursing the wound with her lifeblood,

consumed by the fire buried in her heart,

The man's courage, the sheer pride of his line,

they all come pressing home to her, over and over.

his looks, his words, they pierce, her heart and cling-

no peace, no rest for her body, love will give her none.

Psalm 37:4

"Delight yourself in the LORD

and he will give you the desires of your heart."

that's truth right there. and He made me finally see the real issue.

it was about God.

Me and my amazing Savior who wants me for himself.

who wants to be my sustainer, who wants to be my saving grace.

God was just using my weakness to lead me face to face with Him.

to show me how much i need him, to show me how much He loves me.

i realized that i need so much more growth and i was reminded again of God's character.

we take him so seriously and yes he deserves our reverence and fear but God's such a funny God.

he created humor and he's always surprising me and making me laugh. God is so awesome.

anyways, i want to delight in my Lord.

i want to give everything of myself to Him.

i want to willingly give it all to him.

your will above all else my purpose remains.

the art of losing myself in bringing you praise.

man thats what i want to tell God.

that's all i want. to glorify him and be sanctified.

to have my eyes solely upon him, obsessed with him.

i'm still struggling though.

i still think and run away to the land of my worldly thoughts

where we will in love and have a screwed up and sinful relationship which just shows me

how much farther i have to go. i want to grant the desires of my flesh.

i want to get hurt. its strange and so wrong.

but in the end, i know this truth, that God is powerful and sovereign.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who

love him who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

john piper sermon notes on 1 John 2:3-6

So when God commands you to do something and you ignore it or go against it, John can only conclude one thing: You don't believe that God is love. And therefore you don't know him. For if you believed that God is love, then you would believe that all his commandments were the very best thing for you. And you would follow them. When you turn away from the commandments of God, you say in effect, a loving God wouldn't command me to do that. And so our diobedience displays our lack of trust in the love God has for us. And it shows that we do not know God.

restless and unsatisfied

How I wish you could see the potential
The potential of you and me
It's like a book elegantly bound
But in a language you can't read just yet

You got to spend some time, love
You got to spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love
I will possess your heart

"because you're a sheperd"

"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and everyday have sorrow in my heart?  

How long will my enemy triumph over me?"  Pslam 13:2

God keeps asking me, "What do you obsess over?  What occupies your mind?  What do you think about when you wake up and when you go to sleep?"  Cause He knows my heart.  And he knows my thoughts.  And he knows it isn't Him.  But He wants it to be.  I'm so sinful though.  I struggle every moment.  I am so deep in sin and hate righteousness and love the world.  When I read his word I identify more with the Pharisees and Marthas in the Bible than the saints.  I sometimes feel like its hopeless.  That I'll never truly and fully give my life to Him as he has commanded.  I hate that I fail time and time again.  But then he speaks to me again.  He speaks his Love and Mercy and blesses me with His comfort.  He will never fail.  I am nothing but He is everything.  He is my savior, is and always will be.

"BUT I TRUST IN YOUR UNFAILING LOVE, MY HEART REJOICES IN YOUR SALVATION.  I WILL SING TO THE LORD FOR HE HAS BEEN GOOD TO ME."  Psalm 13:5