currently in thoughts

Overwhelmed. That about sums it up.
I can't even seem to put it into words like I usually do. Words neatly stacked and compiled with care and consideration. Now someone is covering my mouth and consuming my brain from even thinking about all the things I need to do. I'm too consumed about the future. I lack the perspective of now.

Starting school makes me stressed not because of my classes but because of what I want to do throughout college. I want to do so many things but I don't know if they are aligned with God's will. I know in the end His purpose will prevail but right now I can only think about my purposes. I need direction. I need to take hold of my aspirations as they take control over my mind and body. Should I be thinking more about my future or more about what I want? What does God want from me? I want to be used by Him, but I lack so much.

I want to double major in Communications and English with a concentration in creative writing. I also want to minor in Film. I want to get a new job. I hate my job. I am having a hard time with my new roommate. It's hard to love her. I just want to tell her to get out and find another room. I feel like all my friends are moving ahead and I'm stuck. I feel like they're all leaving me. I feel like I'm always a toy that sparkles at first but loses its shine in the eyes of the beholder rather quickly. I feel like I have nothing to offer. I want to go back to Brazil. I want to be there now. But what if God has another plan? I don't know if I could accept it happily although I trust in Him. I want to work for the UFC. I know, random. If I was just an assistant or those people wearing the earpiece and clipboard I would love it. All these worries. And I know, I know, that the problems lies within me. I know I need to pray. Prayer will save me.

Oh God,
My savior. Lead me to you. Give my strength. Strength that comes from joy in You that is not situational or circumstantial. Give my joy in serving You and loving You. I pray for the willingness to obey and live in obedience to your word. Please, reveal yourself to me. Reveal your glory God. I don't want to be blinded by the world any longer. Please, let me see your light and would it surround me. God I pray for a faith that trusts, hopes, and perseveres only in You. I pray you would give me wisdom and discernment. Mostly, I pray for peace. Peace from anxiousness and the worries of this world. Peace that will calm my soul and my thoughts. Lord, I want to know you more. I want to love you. I want to pursue you. I need you. Would my life be centered on the cross. Would my visions and dreams be aligned with the cross. Would I have a heart willing to lay it all down for you. Simply, I want to bring you glory and praise.
In Jesus' name I pray, AMEN.