Psalm 37:4

"Delight yourself in the LORD

and he will give you the desires of your heart."

that's truth right there. and He made me finally see the real issue.

it was about God.

Me and my amazing Savior who wants me for himself.

who wants to be my sustainer, who wants to be my saving grace.

God was just using my weakness to lead me face to face with Him.

to show me how much i need him, to show me how much He loves me.

i realized that i need so much more growth and i was reminded again of God's character.

we take him so seriously and yes he deserves our reverence and fear but God's such a funny God.

he created humor and he's always surprising me and making me laugh. God is so awesome.

anyways, i want to delight in my Lord.

i want to give everything of myself to Him.

i want to willingly give it all to him.

your will above all else my purpose remains.

the art of losing myself in bringing you praise.

man thats what i want to tell God.

that's all i want. to glorify him and be sanctified.

to have my eyes solely upon him, obsessed with him.

i'm still struggling though.

i still think and run away to the land of my worldly thoughts

where we will in love and have a screwed up and sinful relationship which just shows me

how much farther i have to go. i want to grant the desires of my flesh.

i want to get hurt. its strange and so wrong.

but in the end, i know this truth, that God is powerful and sovereign.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who

love him who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

john piper sermon notes on 1 John 2:3-6

So when God commands you to do something and you ignore it or go against it, John can only conclude one thing: You don't believe that God is love. And therefore you don't know him. For if you believed that God is love, then you would believe that all his commandments were the very best thing for you. And you would follow them. When you turn away from the commandments of God, you say in effect, a loving God wouldn't command me to do that. And so our diobedience displays our lack of trust in the love God has for us. And it shows that we do not know God.